We all have them. In fact they are one aspect of your marriage
you got whether you wanted them or not. I am talking about in-laws. Some are
lucky enough to have great in-laws, while others have been not so lucky.
Whether you have perfect in-laws or not so perfect in-laws, the reality is they
are your family now. One of the hardest things for a newly married couple to do
is find the balance between both sides of the family. Now that you are married you
have started your own family with new ways of doing things. While still feeling
obligations and responsibilities to your parents, as husband and wife you are
learning what your new life is going to look like. This can become increasingly
difficult if your families struggle to let go or have different expectations
than you both do. The husband and I have been learning a lot of lessons in this
area lately. So I thought I would share some of our new insights:
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- You must realize you are on the same team. Whatever comes up, you need to protect each other. Situations may come up where the husband’s family may want the husband to take their side against his wife, or vice versa. Don’t let this happen. Stand firm in your relationship. If you realize your parents may have a point in what they are saying, bring it up later with your spouse, not right in front of your family. Your spouse needs to know that you support them 100%.
- If one of you is feeling put out by the others' family, talk about it!. Of course do this nicely with an open mind, but holding these frustrations in will just make things worse. Your spouse may not even realize you are feeling this way. How can they help fix the situation, if they have no clue what is going on?
- Make an effort to enjoy the time you spend with your in-laws. Yes I realize it is easier to be around your own family, but your in-laws are very important people as well. They may be completely different than you, but they are your spouse’s family. Let them see you are making an effort at building a relationship with them.
- Don’t expect to change them. Yes their differences are probably irritating and you may not understand why they live the way they do, but it is not your responsibility to change them. The more effort you make to change who they are the more you will get frustrated with them and they will get annoyed with you. Learn to appreciate them for their differences. I mean really you don't want everyone to be just like you, do you?
