Just Do It!

The past two mornings I have spent my time listening to speakers who were addressing new college freshmen about success and leadership in college. Little did I know that as  their words would be meant for me... a college graduate. I am pretty sure Dr. Tim Elmore had me in mind as he spoke this morning. Dr. Elmore asked the students whether they were going to be a thermometer or a thermostat. I am not kidding this hit me right in the gut. A thermometer is someone who lets their surroundings control and influence who they are. A thermostat sets the life style they are going to be living. Since I graduated from college last May I have been a thermometer. I realize I am not living up to the potential God has given me and I have been blaming this on everyone else. I find myself holding back, because I don't feel like I can accomplish what I want to do in my current life situation. The reality is God has given me the gift of leadership and I have been denying myself the opportunity to use that gift. Shame on me! I wonder how often other young adults do this to themselves. How often do we see the bad economy or have feelings of inadequacy and just give up fighting for our passions? Do we break God's heart every time we give up and walk away from the gifts He has so graciously given us? I am ready to begin pursuing my passions and using the gifts God has given me and I hope you are too. I know exactly what God has given me the desire to do and I also know He has given me the strength and ability to do it. My generation needs to hear this more. I know I did. I needed to hear more often that God has given me the skills and gifts and ability to pursue my passions. So here I am telling you God has not called you to something you cannot handle. Whatever it is that God has given you the desire to do, He has also given you the gifts to do it. So go do it! 

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”
― Mother Teresa

It's Just a Little Eye Candy

Photo: johnsnape on Flickr, creative commons license

          Ladies let’s have a heart to heart. For years we as the female race have gotten after men for objectifying women. We have accused them of lusting after unattainable female images found in magazines and online. When a man mentions that a certain actress is hot we roll our eyes and tell them they are pigs, because real women don’t look like that and men should learn to have more realistic expectations of what a woman should look like. But recently I am finding that women have begun to act just like men when it comes to looking at the opposite sex. I really began to notice this on Pinterest where I can barely go without seeing a picture of a half- naked man on my screen that someone else has posted. Now I realize the females have always noticed a fine looking male specimen when we see them, but recently women have begun to objectify these men at the same level we accuse men of objectifying women. In writing this I have no intentions of making you feel guilty about your thoughts toward men, that is something you have to work out between yourself and God, but I do want to leave you with a thought. Remember the old saying "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil"? What we put into our minds has a very large influence over what we think and do.

           As a Christian woman I believe God has called me to live radically different than the world does. I realize that looking at attractive men seems harmless through the worlds eyes, but I know God has called me to live a life of integrity and respect. So when it comes to looking at images of half-naked men I choose not to out of respect for myself and for the men in my life. Having respect for men in our lives can prove difficult when we have gotten into the pattern of viewing some of them as eye candy. Now I know what some of you might be thinking. "But Alyson there is nothing wrong with noticing the attractiveness of men". And you are absolutely right about that. God created some beautiful creations there is no doubt about it, but what I am saying is that we need to protect ourselves. I am constantly having conversations with people about why I chose not to participate in certain activities. My response is always the same.   While there are many things I do not believe are sinful in and of themselves, I chose to avoid them in-order to protect myself from the sin that could result from it. For example I chose not to drink, not because I believe drinking is a sin, but because I have chosen not to put myself in a situation that could result in making the wrong decision. For me this same idea applies to looking at images of men. Yes noticing a man’s defined biceps and killer abs may seem innocent at first, but if I continue to look at these images my emotions may turn to lust and everything from there becomes a slippery slope.

      I realize that this may be a sensitive topic to some. Some of you may shrug it off and not take much thought to it. Others may take it to heart and feel convicted about this. Honestly I hope you do what is best for you. Again reflecting back to my post earlier this week, guarding your heart is so very important. We have such an important role as women of God that I would hate to see us throw it all away over a nice set of abs.

Above all else guard your heart.

Photo Credit: thepinkpeppercorn / Gail

         Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”. I have to admit I frequently read right over these words and don’t give them much thought. If I do give this one small verse any thought it is to say “wow that’s really great advice” and then I go on with whatever I am doing. Recently God has been revealing to me the importance of guarding your heart. Over the years I have had the chance to listen to many women share stories of pain that resulted from  a lack of guarding one’s own heart. Many of these women gave into the lie that putting out sexually would eventually win them the guy of their dreams. Other women have been betrayed and abused by family members. While others simply did not protect their heart from sin in this world and eventually found themselves being torn apart by the sin that had creeped into their hearts and made a home.  Relationships fell apart, bad decisions were made, and for many of them their lives were altered drastically. As each of these women shared their stories with me my heart wept for them. I longed with them that something had been different; that someone had shared with them the importance of guarding their heart and what that even looks like.

          As woman we so easily put our heart out on the line for others. We tend to be more compassionate than men, which I think is actually a great strength about women. The problem arises when we are not cautious of how we handle out heart. The devil realizes this strength of ours can also be our weakness. He is not ignorant to the fact that he can wiggle his way into our lives through this door. As we open ourselves up to relationships we also give the devil a potential invitation into our hearts.

      For women who are still dating, don’t throw yourself into a relationship because you are lonely or think a relationship will fix your problems. Trust me getting into the wrong relationship will NOT fix your problems! Wait it out for the right guy who will help you protect your heart. He is out there just be patient. Be cautious when entering into a new relationship and don’t lay it all out on the table on the first date. Discover what God intends for your future marriage and strive after that. Your future husband will be grateful for this someday.

       As for those of us who are already married this does not mean you get to stop guarding your heart. In fact this means you better start protecting it even more. Did you know marriage scares Satan? It is the best example of what God’s love for the Church looks like and Satan will do whatever he can to tear it apart. So that guy at work that you enjoy talking to…guard your heart. The annoying habits your husband has that keep building up inside of you…guard your heart. Your bad self-image and need to be desired...guard your heart.

     Now to answer the question “how do I guard my heart”? Simply focus on Jesus. There is no better person to help you guard your heart than the one who created your heart. Surround yourself with God’s Word. If you are married make sure that Christ is the center and focus of your relationship. If you are single make sure that you are allowing God to guide and direct whom you trust your heart with. Place your heart in God's hands. There is honestly no better place to put it.

Are You Working as a Team?

        Current research is showing that my generation (the Millennials) are becoming more and more independent and individualistic. If this is really the case I am afraid ladies and gents we have a huge hurdle to overcome in our marriages. Marriage is one hundred percent a team effort.  Yes, we can still keep our individual identities and quirky personality traits. In fact it is those individual traits that make your marriage unique. But when it comes to the success of our marriage we have to become one. There really is no room in marriage for each person to be individualistic. When a husband and wife begin to fight for different goals and accomplishments, a rift can develop between the two of them. They are no longer moving and working together, which is the original intent of marriage. God did not create the institution of marriage so the husband and wife can go their separate ways. He created marriage so two people can come together and become one. 

          Have you ever watched a volleyball game where the team is obviously on the same page? Each individual player is working together, making calls, and watching out for the other players on the court. These are my favorite games to watch. Now have you ever watched a volleyball game where the players were not working together? The game is actually quite difficult to watch. There are a lot of players running into each other and a lot of failed attempts at winning a game. The same is true in marriage. When we aren't working together, we are preventing ourselves from fulfilling our potential as husband and wife.  God uses marriage as an example of His love and image of the Church. When a husband and a wife are working together, completely in sync with each other, they are representing to the world what the Kingdom of God is really like. Now for me that is a great and awesome responsibility to undertake. I would hate for my husband and I to miss out on this opportunity, because we are not working as a team.

What about you? Are you and your spouse working as a team?

What will you have to do to overcome the hurdle of individualism in your marriage?

Have You Seen Jesus?

           In case you have not noticed there has been a lot of discussion (if you want to call it that) about the pro/anti homosexual  debate lately. Between companies being boycotted, hateful slander (from both sides), and hurtful accusations I can barely keep my head on straight. I will not be making any stance on this topic, if that is what you are thinking. Truthfully my beliefs on these topics are absolutely none of your business and really I have no desire to know what you believe as well. But I have found myself on the verge of tears as I read Facebook comments and read articles surrounding this topic. I feel as though my heart has literally been broken in two just as our beautiful country has been. I mourn for Christians who have had their image and reputation destroyed and I mourn for the LGBT community as they feel hated and judged by the other “side”. Through all of this I find myself running to God in prayer. I want to fix this. It’s what I do, I fix problems. I make things better and yet this seems to be so out of control I wonder if the situation can be fixed. As I have leaned on God for support and guidance I have found myself asking the question “Where is Jesus?’. To be perfectly honest I don’t think he would have been standing on either side. In fact I don’t think he would have anything to do with the argument. I think Jesus would be in Colorado with the shooting victim’s families. He would be in Chicago washing the feet of the homeless man on the corner. Sitting with the girl who just got an abortion and telling her she is loved. In Africa holding a poor child who is starving and might not make it another night. I believe Jesus would be comforting a young woman who has just been mutilated because of oppressive thought processes. We would find him in Thailand protecting the victims of the sex trade. He would be holding the hand of the pregnant woman who just lost her child and wiping the tears off the face of the child whose parent just died in Iraq.

          This is the reality of our world and I hope I am not being too bold when I say that as humans we have totally missed the mark. There is a world of hurting people out there and we are stuck on this one issue. More PR has surrounded this highly debated topic than I have ever seen focused on the sex slave trade or world hunger. Now I have only taken a few Scripture classes and I do not profess to be a scholar in this area, but I believe Jesus spent his time with the outcasts, the sinners, the hurting, the sick, the widow, and the orphan. His time was not spent in the courthouse arguing against politicians. Yes he had his firm beliefs and yes he challenged ALL people to change their ways, but the majority of his time was spent loving and pointing people to His Father. Christians, we are not doing this by boycotting companies and arguing with others on Facebook. Jesus left a lasting impression not so much with his words, but with his actions. I choose to do the same. I choose to focus my time on the hurting and the broken. I choose to live in such a way that brings God’s Kingdom into reality. Will you join me?

Slightly Critical….OK Maybe a Little More Than Slightly

        I received an e-mail this morning from iMom.com (seriously great resource if you are interested) about being a critical wife. It was one of those e-mails where I realized that the author must somehow know everything about me and was writing it directly to me. You know that kind you read and your stomach turns because of the conviction you feel. I think when we first get married everything seems so happy and blissful. The small things our husbands do not seem like that big of a deal. But one year down the line and your husband is still doing those same small things that drive you insane, like forgetting to do something you asked him to do or leaving his dirty socks by the couch or my personal favorite throwing his dirty clothes into my clean sock basket!  All of these things begin to pile up into this long list of everything your husband does wrong and suddenly that blissful marriage you had a year ago is not quite blissful anymore. We let the bad list consume our minds until we get to this point of criticizing our husband’s every move. No wonder the poor man isn’t romantic like he used to be, we’ve drained him of feeling adequate to do anything right. I do not know about you guys, but I truly want my husband to succeed. I want my husband to be respected throughout our city, just like the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman was. But if I keep telling him that he can do nothing right at home, chances are he will start to believe he can do nothing right outside of our home as well.

      So how do we fix this? Truthfully I cannot give you an easy solution to this problem, but I can offer some advice that I am trying; start focusing on the good things. Write them out on paper and read them to yourself multiple times a day if you have to. Another idea sit down with your husband and discuss the beginning of your relationship. Why did you get married in the first place? In the e-mail I received they provided a great tool with questions to discuss between the two of you. It might prove useful to get the conversation going between the two of you.

Ladies, let’s give our husbands a break. They deserve it. 

        For those of my readers not married, this is transferable into all areas of life. Who are you overly critical of? Your roommate, your parents, your co-worker? Are you creating a list of their wrongs and focusing on that? If so try to start focusing on their strengths. Let’s be honest our culture does enough criticizing on its own. We have the opportunity to be a breath of fresh air in someone’s life.