In-Laws

We all have them. In fact they are one aspect of your marriage you got whether you wanted them or not. I am talking about in-laws. Some are lucky enough to have great in-laws, while others have been not so lucky. Whether you have perfect in-laws or not so perfect in-laws, the reality is they are your family now. One of the hardest things for a newly married couple to do is find the balance between both sides of the family. Now that you are married you have started your own family with new ways of doing things. While still feeling obligations and responsibilities to your parents, as husband and wife you are learning what your new life is going to look like. This can become increasingly difficult if your families struggle to let go or have different expectations than you both do. The husband and I have been learning a lot of lessons in this area lately. So I thought I would share some of our new insights:

-           

• You must realize you are on the same team. Whatever comes up, you need to protect each other. Situations may come up where the husband’s family may want the husband to take their side against his wife, or vice versa. Don’t let this happen. Stand firm in your relationship. If you realize your parents may have a point in what they are saying, bring it up later with your spouse, not right in front of your family. Your spouse needs to know that you support them 100%.
•    If one of you is feeling put out by the others' family, talk about it!. Of course do this nicely with an open mind, but holding these frustrations in will just make things worse. Your spouse may not even realize you are feeling this way. How can they help fix the situation, if they have no clue what is going on?

• Make an effort to enjoy the time you spend with your in-laws. Yes I realize it is easier to be around your own family, but your in-laws are very important people as well. They may be completely different than you, but they are your spouse’s family. Let them see you are making an effort at building a relationship with them.

• Don’t expect to change them. Yes their differences are probably irritating and you may not understand why they live the way they do, but it is not your responsibility to change them. The more effort you make to change who they are the more you will get frustrated with them and they will get annoyed with you. Learn to appreciate them for their differences. I mean really you don't want everyone to be just like you, do you? 

You Are Worthy

As I was flipping through the TV stations this evening I landed on a re-run of “Toddlers and Tiaras”. I will admit I get drawn into the circus show of all the glitz and glam that these tiny young babies are exposed to on a regular basis. By the age of 5 some of these girls have worn more make-up and hairspray than I have at age 22. But somewhere in the midst of all the drama and awkwardness of looking at a 5 year old that looks to be 17 I noticed something. These girls are being told on a regular basis that they are beautiful. Granted they are being told they are beautiful for all the WRONG reasons (this is a whole other book that I am not wanting to open right now), but each of these little pageant queens are experiencing something many girls and woman would have loved to experience as a little girl. Unfortunately many of us woman did not grow up in a household where our fathers told us we were beautiful on a consistent basis. As a result we pined for those compliments from others. When those compliments did not come our way, we began to think that maybe, just maybe we didn’t deserve to be called beautiful. Maybe there was something about us that made us ugly and unworthy of the word beautiful. These thoughts of unworthiness don’t easily leave our side. They stay with us all the time constantly whispering in our ear that we don’t deserve to be called beautiful or worthy, because we aren’t. The truly sad part is when someone does come along and honestly tells us that we are beautiful, we won’t hear it. We have so convinced ourselves that we aren’t worthy of being called beautiful that the words “You are beautiful” come at us like a blazing lie.

The reality of all of this is devastating, because if you are like me someday you will get married to a man that truly believes you are beautiful and when he looks at you and tells you this, you instantly tell yourself it is a lie. You can’t believe what your husband is saying because your whole life you have not been worthy of the title “beautiful”. The world has proved over and over to you that you have flaws and no one will ever truly believe you are beautiful. We can try to take our husband’s word for it. We can say we believe him, but until we truly believe in our hearts that we are beautiful these word fall on deaf ears.

So how do we overcome these feelings of unworthiness? I wish I could give you one simple 12-step program to believe in yourself but I can’t. What I can give to you is what your Abba Father says about you. The One who created you and said that it is good believes that you are beautiful and flawless. I pray that God will work in you so that you may believe His words about you. You deserve to be called beautiful. You are worthy of God’s love and your husband’s love.

 

You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
there is no flaw in you.  Song of Solomon 4:7

You are Still God

To begin with I realized this morning how truly blessed I am to work where I work. I get to spend Wednesday and Thursday mornings worshiping with my co-workers and students. For one hour on these mornings I get to witness Gods presence in the lives of over 2,000 people. I can't say it enough I am blessed!

 

As our campus poured their hearts out while singing “The Desert Song” by Hillsong (video at the bottom) I realized just a little bit more about how lucky I am. The song proclaims that no matter where I am whether I am empty in the desert, fighting in the battle, struggling through the fire or living in the harvest, God is still present, God is unchanging, and God is going to pull me through it. I wonder how many people can depend on something like this in their life. How lucky am I to have this confidence that there is hope in all circumstances. No matter what life throws at me, my God is still God. Praise the Lord!

Our lives are never going to be without bumps and bruises.  Let’s be real. This world is ready and willing to attack at any moment. Some attacks we can see coming and others appear out of nowhere. On our own we will be defeated every time. I can promise you there will be times we find ourselves at the bottom of the mountain or in the desert or in the midst of a battle, but we can be confident that we are not there alone. How many of us walk through life feeling like this battle we are facing is our burden alone? How many times do we need to be reminded that in the end we will be conquerors? That is God’s promise to us. How great is that!  And because I have faith in God’s promise I will sing praise. It may not make sense, it may hurt, and it may not be fair, but

…I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here.

All He's Asking for is Just a Little Respect

A very popular book in the marriage field is Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. In his book, Emerson explains that woman need to feel loved and men need to feel respect. This basic principal is even found in one of the most quoted “marriage” verses from Scripture, Ephesians 5:33.

 

                “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

And yet, even though the idea of love and respect is written very clearly in Scripture, how often do we, as husbands and wives, forget to follow this basic principal? 

I have had many conversations with married women and I have found one thing that seems to be prevalent in these conversations; we don’t show much respect for our husbands when talking to other females. We find it easy to complain about what our husbands don’t do and how they frustrate us. My personal favorite is when we refer to our husbands as if they were pets. “You would not believe what I finally got my husband to do. It took me a few years, but he is finally picking up his dirty socks from around the house.” Do we consider our husbands to be animals that need to be trained? In reality I do not think we truly feel this way about our husbands, but in conversation that is how we come across. How would your husband feel if he heard you talking about him this way? I highly doubt he would feel like you respected him at all. Showing respect for your husband when he is in the room is important, but as wives we need to be showing respect for our husbands even when they are not around. And let’s be honest we wouldn’t like it if our husbands were complaining about us to their friends, would we?

Questions:

Being honest with yourself, how do you talk about your husband among your friends?

Do you have a great level of respect for your husband at all times? Or is this an area of your relationship that needs to be worked on?

Just Do It!

The past two mornings I have spent my time listening to speakers who were addressing new college freshmen about success and leadership in college. Little did I know that as  their words would be meant for me... a college graduate. I am pretty sure Dr. Tim Elmore had me in mind as he spoke this morning. Dr. Elmore asked the students whether they were going to be a thermometer or a thermostat. I am not kidding this hit me right in the gut. A thermometer is someone who lets their surroundings control and influence who they are. A thermostat sets the life style they are going to be living. Since I graduated from college last May I have been a thermometer. I realize I am not living up to the potential God has given me and I have been blaming this on everyone else. I find myself holding back, because I don't feel like I can accomplish what I want to do in my current life situation. The reality is God has given me the gift of leadership and I have been denying myself the opportunity to use that gift. Shame on me! I wonder how often other young adults do this to themselves. How often do we see the bad economy or have feelings of inadequacy and just give up fighting for our passions? Do we break God's heart every time we give up and walk away from the gifts He has so graciously given us? I am ready to begin pursuing my passions and using the gifts God has given me and I hope you are too. I know exactly what God has given me the desire to do and I also know He has given me the strength and ability to do it. My generation needs to hear this more. I know I did. I needed to hear more often that God has given me the skills and gifts and ability to pursue my passions. So here I am telling you God has not called you to something you cannot handle. Whatever it is that God has given you the desire to do, He has also given you the gifts to do it. So go do it! 

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”
― Mother Teresa

It's Just a Little Eye Candy

Photo: johnsnape on Flickr, creative commons license

          Ladies let’s have a heart to heart. For years we as the female race have gotten after men for objectifying women. We have accused them of lusting after unattainable female images found in magazines and online. When a man mentions that a certain actress is hot we roll our eyes and tell them they are pigs, because real women don’t look like that and men should learn to have more realistic expectations of what a woman should look like. But recently I am finding that women have begun to act just like men when it comes to looking at the opposite sex. I really began to notice this on Pinterest where I can barely go without seeing a picture of a half- naked man on my screen that someone else has posted. Now I realize the females have always noticed a fine looking male specimen when we see them, but recently women have begun to objectify these men at the same level we accuse men of objectifying women. In writing this I have no intentions of making you feel guilty about your thoughts toward men, that is something you have to work out between yourself and God, but I do want to leave you with a thought. Remember the old saying "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil"? What we put into our minds has a very large influence over what we think and do.

           As a Christian woman I believe God has called me to live radically different than the world does. I realize that looking at attractive men seems harmless through the worlds eyes, but I know God has called me to live a life of integrity and respect. So when it comes to looking at images of half-naked men I choose not to out of respect for myself and for the men in my life. Having respect for men in our lives can prove difficult when we have gotten into the pattern of viewing some of them as eye candy. Now I know what some of you might be thinking. "But Alyson there is nothing wrong with noticing the attractiveness of men". And you are absolutely right about that. God created some beautiful creations there is no doubt about it, but what I am saying is that we need to protect ourselves. I am constantly having conversations with people about why I chose not to participate in certain activities. My response is always the same.   While there are many things I do not believe are sinful in and of themselves, I chose to avoid them in-order to protect myself from the sin that could result from it. For example I chose not to drink, not because I believe drinking is a sin, but because I have chosen not to put myself in a situation that could result in making the wrong decision. For me this same idea applies to looking at images of men. Yes noticing a man’s defined biceps and killer abs may seem innocent at first, but if I continue to look at these images my emotions may turn to lust and everything from there becomes a slippery slope.

      I realize that this may be a sensitive topic to some. Some of you may shrug it off and not take much thought to it. Others may take it to heart and feel convicted about this. Honestly I hope you do what is best for you. Again reflecting back to my post earlier this week, guarding your heart is so very important. We have such an important role as women of God that I would hate to see us throw it all away over a nice set of abs.

Above all else guard your heart.

Photo Credit: thepinkpeppercorn / Gail

         Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”. I have to admit I frequently read right over these words and don’t give them much thought. If I do give this one small verse any thought it is to say “wow that’s really great advice” and then I go on with whatever I am doing. Recently God has been revealing to me the importance of guarding your heart. Over the years I have had the chance to listen to many women share stories of pain that resulted from  a lack of guarding one’s own heart. Many of these women gave into the lie that putting out sexually would eventually win them the guy of their dreams. Other women have been betrayed and abused by family members. While others simply did not protect their heart from sin in this world and eventually found themselves being torn apart by the sin that had creeped into their hearts and made a home.  Relationships fell apart, bad decisions were made, and for many of them their lives were altered drastically. As each of these women shared their stories with me my heart wept for them. I longed with them that something had been different; that someone had shared with them the importance of guarding their heart and what that even looks like.

          As woman we so easily put our heart out on the line for others. We tend to be more compassionate than men, which I think is actually a great strength about women. The problem arises when we are not cautious of how we handle out heart. The devil realizes this strength of ours can also be our weakness. He is not ignorant to the fact that he can wiggle his way into our lives through this door. As we open ourselves up to relationships we also give the devil a potential invitation into our hearts.

      For women who are still dating, don’t throw yourself into a relationship because you are lonely or think a relationship will fix your problems. Trust me getting into the wrong relationship will NOT fix your problems! Wait it out for the right guy who will help you protect your heart. He is out there just be patient. Be cautious when entering into a new relationship and don’t lay it all out on the table on the first date. Discover what God intends for your future marriage and strive after that. Your future husband will be grateful for this someday.

       As for those of us who are already married this does not mean you get to stop guarding your heart. In fact this means you better start protecting it even more. Did you know marriage scares Satan? It is the best example of what God’s love for the Church looks like and Satan will do whatever he can to tear it apart. So that guy at work that you enjoy talking to…guard your heart. The annoying habits your husband has that keep building up inside of you…guard your heart. Your bad self-image and need to be desired...guard your heart.

     Now to answer the question “how do I guard my heart”? Simply focus on Jesus. There is no better person to help you guard your heart than the one who created your heart. Surround yourself with God’s Word. If you are married make sure that Christ is the center and focus of your relationship. If you are single make sure that you are allowing God to guide and direct whom you trust your heart with. Place your heart in God's hands. There is honestly no better place to put it.

Are You Working as a Team?

        Current research is showing that my generation (the Millennials) are becoming more and more independent and individualistic. If this is really the case I am afraid ladies and gents we have a huge hurdle to overcome in our marriages. Marriage is one hundred percent a team effort.  Yes, we can still keep our individual identities and quirky personality traits. In fact it is those individual traits that make your marriage unique. But when it comes to the success of our marriage we have to become one. There really is no room in marriage for each person to be individualistic. When a husband and wife begin to fight for different goals and accomplishments, a rift can develop between the two of them. They are no longer moving and working together, which is the original intent of marriage. God did not create the institution of marriage so the husband and wife can go their separate ways. He created marriage so two people can come together and become one. 

          Have you ever watched a volleyball game where the team is obviously on the same page? Each individual player is working together, making calls, and watching out for the other players on the court. These are my favorite games to watch. Now have you ever watched a volleyball game where the players were not working together? The game is actually quite difficult to watch. There are a lot of players running into each other and a lot of failed attempts at winning a game. The same is true in marriage. When we aren't working together, we are preventing ourselves from fulfilling our potential as husband and wife.  God uses marriage as an example of His love and image of the Church. When a husband and a wife are working together, completely in sync with each other, they are representing to the world what the Kingdom of God is really like. Now for me that is a great and awesome responsibility to undertake. I would hate for my husband and I to miss out on this opportunity, because we are not working as a team.

What about you? Are you and your spouse working as a team?

What will you have to do to overcome the hurdle of individualism in your marriage?

Have You Seen Jesus?

           In case you have not noticed there has been a lot of discussion (if you want to call it that) about the pro/anti homosexual  debate lately. Between companies being boycotted, hateful slander (from both sides), and hurtful accusations I can barely keep my head on straight. I will not be making any stance on this topic, if that is what you are thinking. Truthfully my beliefs on these topics are absolutely none of your business and really I have no desire to know what you believe as well. But I have found myself on the verge of tears as I read Facebook comments and read articles surrounding this topic. I feel as though my heart has literally been broken in two just as our beautiful country has been. I mourn for Christians who have had their image and reputation destroyed and I mourn for the LGBT community as they feel hated and judged by the other “side”. Through all of this I find myself running to God in prayer. I want to fix this. It’s what I do, I fix problems. I make things better and yet this seems to be so out of control I wonder if the situation can be fixed. As I have leaned on God for support and guidance I have found myself asking the question “Where is Jesus?’. To be perfectly honest I don’t think he would have been standing on either side. In fact I don’t think he would have anything to do with the argument. I think Jesus would be in Colorado with the shooting victim’s families. He would be in Chicago washing the feet of the homeless man on the corner. Sitting with the girl who just got an abortion and telling her she is loved. In Africa holding a poor child who is starving and might not make it another night. I believe Jesus would be comforting a young woman who has just been mutilated because of oppressive thought processes. We would find him in Thailand protecting the victims of the sex trade. He would be holding the hand of the pregnant woman who just lost her child and wiping the tears off the face of the child whose parent just died in Iraq.

          This is the reality of our world and I hope I am not being too bold when I say that as humans we have totally missed the mark. There is a world of hurting people out there and we are stuck on this one issue. More PR has surrounded this highly debated topic than I have ever seen focused on the sex slave trade or world hunger. Now I have only taken a few Scripture classes and I do not profess to be a scholar in this area, but I believe Jesus spent his time with the outcasts, the sinners, the hurting, the sick, the widow, and the orphan. His time was not spent in the courthouse arguing against politicians. Yes he had his firm beliefs and yes he challenged ALL people to change their ways, but the majority of his time was spent loving and pointing people to His Father. Christians, we are not doing this by boycotting companies and arguing with others on Facebook. Jesus left a lasting impression not so much with his words, but with his actions. I choose to do the same. I choose to focus my time on the hurting and the broken. I choose to live in such a way that brings God’s Kingdom into reality. Will you join me?

Slightly Critical….OK Maybe a Little More Than Slightly

        I received an e-mail this morning from iMom.com (seriously great resource if you are interested) about being a critical wife. It was one of those e-mails where I realized that the author must somehow know everything about me and was writing it directly to me. You know that kind you read and your stomach turns because of the conviction you feel. I think when we first get married everything seems so happy and blissful. The small things our husbands do not seem like that big of a deal. But one year down the line and your husband is still doing those same small things that drive you insane, like forgetting to do something you asked him to do or leaving his dirty socks by the couch or my personal favorite throwing his dirty clothes into my clean sock basket!  All of these things begin to pile up into this long list of everything your husband does wrong and suddenly that blissful marriage you had a year ago is not quite blissful anymore. We let the bad list consume our minds until we get to this point of criticizing our husband’s every move. No wonder the poor man isn’t romantic like he used to be, we’ve drained him of feeling adequate to do anything right. I do not know about you guys, but I truly want my husband to succeed. I want my husband to be respected throughout our city, just like the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman was. But if I keep telling him that he can do nothing right at home, chances are he will start to believe he can do nothing right outside of our home as well.

      So how do we fix this? Truthfully I cannot give you an easy solution to this problem, but I can offer some advice that I am trying; start focusing on the good things. Write them out on paper and read them to yourself multiple times a day if you have to. Another idea sit down with your husband and discuss the beginning of your relationship. Why did you get married in the first place? In the e-mail I received they provided a great tool with questions to discuss between the two of you. It might prove useful to get the conversation going between the two of you.

Ladies, let’s give our husbands a break. They deserve it. 

        For those of my readers not married, this is transferable into all areas of life. Who are you overly critical of? Your roommate, your parents, your co-worker? Are you creating a list of their wrongs and focusing on that? If so try to start focusing on their strengths. Let’s be honest our culture does enough criticizing on its own. We have the opportunity to be a breath of fresh air in someone’s life.

Hitched at 20

 

     I cannot begin to explain to you the looks and ridicule I got when people found out I was engaged at 19 years old. The general assumption I received from people who did not know me was that I was marrying someone from the military or that I was pregnant. A lot of the congratulations I received seemed forced and not genuine. There was a lack of celebration over our engagement and in some cases it almost seemed like people were mourning my life. Now I am not saying any of this for you to feel sorry for me, because in reality it doesn’t matter. I was going to marry my husband whether or not I had the approval of the general population. But I will say that getting married at a young age is hard enough without getting the feeling that people think you are crazy.

     I chose to get married at 20 for multiple reasons. First let me begin with this. I believe marriage is something that should never be entered into lightly. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that takes a lot of work and extends way past the emotions of feeling in love. Our decision to get married did not have anything to do with feelings of romantic love. I got married young simply because I had met the guy I was committed to for the rest of my life. My husband truly was and is my best friend. I knew him, I knew how he worked and I knew his love of Christ. We both knew that we made each other better. We challenged each other and were daily challenged by God. I knew God could use Mark and I for bigger and better things. Mark and I both knew that the opportunity to get married was not a curse as many see it, but a gift. Marriage created a safe environment for us to be ourselves. Where we knew we could love and be loved in return with no conditions. If you noticed concerns about our jobs or financial success were not a part of this decision. Yes, we made sure we could survive (notice I said survive, not live affluently). Yes, we made a commitment to finish college no matter the circumstances. And yes we made sure each of us had a job (not a career, a job that could pay the bills).

      Now I am not saying everyone should get married young. In fact I believe there are some people who should not get married young. Being married is a huge responsibility and you should only commit to it when you are truly ready. But I do ask one thing. Don’t judge another couple because they have chosen to get married young or because they have chosen to wait until they are a little bit older to get married. There is no set time line for marriage. Just because I was ready to be married at 20, doesn’t mean you are. And just because you are not ready to get married, doesn’t mean the girl who sits in front of you in class isn’t ready either.

Legacy

This morning in church we were challenged with the idea of leaving behind a legacy. How will we be remembered? Will we have had any influence in the lives of others? After the week I have had this question was really timed perfectly. This past week I have read both unChristian and You Lost Me by David Kinnaman.  (I seriously suggest reading these books. Eye-opening to say the least). In these books the author states that there needs to be a serious change in how Christianity is perceived. I found myself wondering what kind of legacy I was leaving behind to those who do not consider themselves Christian. Do they see me as they see all other Christians or am I leaving a different legacy? Will these people remember me differently? I found myself sick to my stomach as I was challenged by these books. I want to have a positive influence on my generation, but how do I do this? How can I show that there is a beautiful side to Christianity that is so often lost in translation?

There are many different conversations that need to take place within this question. There are those that see hypocrisy in the church and then there are those that have been hurt or shunned by the church. Others have stopped seeing the relevancy of Christianity and believe the religion is becoming outdated and old-school. These are just the tip of the iceberg and I can't even begin to touch all of the issues that need to be discussed. I will, however, challenge us as women of God, especially those from my generation. We have the ability to leave a lasting legacy for years to come. Our generation needs to see Christian women who love unconditionally, who are compassionate, and who are one hundred percent real. We need a real Proverbs 31 woman, who is not afraid to invest everything she's got and who's willing to get down and dirty to accomplish her goals. For a generation of women who value strength and independence, we need to be an example that you can be Christian and still be strong and independent. I am ready to leave a legacy of strength and love, are you?

When Prince Charming Became a Nightmare

Alright I will admit it…I am a sucker for sappy chick flicks. Yes I love those predictable, cheesy movies where everything ends happily and just how you expected it. In fact I am watching “The Wedding Planner” as I write this. All of my teenage years I dreamed of a whirlwind romance where the guy would sweep me off my feet and everything would be perfect….until something horribly dramatic causes some conflict and things go awry. But do not worry, the guy will come back fighting for the girl and win her over again. This was my idea of a perfect love story. All of my past relationships I tried to fit into this mold. If something was not going perfectly I would wait around hoping the guy would suddenly realize I was the only one for him. This never did happen and my heart would be broken just one more time.

Now the irony in all of this is I just happened to marry a very unromantic man. HA! But truthfully I am OK with this, because now the idea of Prince Charming and a whirlwind romance have become my nightmare. Let me explain. My previous idea of a perfect relationship would now be horribly exhausting. So much conflict, so much drama, and so not reality. The ups and downs and the emotions involved with these whirlwind romances would be more trouble than they’re worth. Who wants to live in a revolving state of happy, sad, angry, thrilled, etc.? I sure don’t. I will admit occasional moments of romance are much needed, but I do not need or even want a lifetime of nonstop romance. The confusion of not knowing where the relationship is going. NO THANKS! To be perfectly honest I love that I am done searching for Mr. Right (even when Mr. Right is lacking in the romance field). The real thing is so much better than the scripted version. So for all of the other chick flick lovers out there, learn to love the real thing. There is nothing wrong with liking romantic movies, but there is a problem when you start expecting your marriage to be like those movies. Asking your man to be like the guys in these romantic movies is asking  A LOT! Let’s be real. The guys in these movies DO NOT EXIST in real life. They are actors who are really good at repeating lines that were wrote for them. Unless you want to give your husband a script to live by, I suggest we start accepting that our husbands may not be typical prince charmings. But maybe, just maybe they are prince charming in their own ways.

But a Woman That Fears the Lord

I think my favorite verse in Proverbs 31 is verse 30; “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised”. These are wonderful and encouraging words. Now I believe I have mentioned before that “fear” here does not mean to actually be afraid of the Lord. Instead it means to revere or respect. To set God apart as Holy. When I think about people that I respect I realize how much I care about their opinion and insight. I desire to hear their advice. And so it should be with God more than any other person in our lives.

                Yet, how easy is it to listen to other people’s advice and wisdom and ignore God’s voice? How often do we get impatient and give up on hearing God’s answer or solution? If we truly want to fear God this means we must respect His opinion and His answer above all else. To do this we must be patient and wait for His answer, understanding that sometimes His answer is no and sometimes His answer is silence. I think about how much I respect my parents’ advice and opinions. One of my greatest desires is to have them be proud of what I am doing and who I have become. This is the same desire we should have for God. God is the best parent out there. He created us. He knows us and knows our desires. God knows our thoughts and our fears. He has a plan and a future designed specifically for each one of us. His goal is not to harm us, but to help us grow into strong, smart, productive and loving Christ followers. I wonder how many times we are afraid to listen to God’s voice, because we think He is going to throw a wrench in our plans. How many times do we ignore His voice, because His answer doesn’t seem to fit into our idea of what should happen? I don’t know about you, but I want to be a woman who truly fears the Lord, even if His answer is not what I am looking for.  

When My Family Meets Yours

This weekend my husband and I got to travel back to Michigan to spend time with our families. As I spent time with each of our families I began to realize just a little bit more how different my family and his family are. I mean they are COMPLETELY different. Not saying one is better than the other, but just different. This got me thinking about how miraculous it is that Mark and I live together and most of the time we live together in peace. How can two people with totally different backgrounds and upbringings meld together and live in harmony with one another? 

Melding two family styles together has to be one of the hardest aspects of being married. We both come to the table with two separate ways of doing things and now suddenly we have to find a way to concoct a new way of doing life that works for both of us. Have you ever had that moment where your spouse does something and you just look at them like they are the craziest person in the world for doing it that way? This happens to me all the time. When you ask your husband why they did it that way, what is their response? Well my mom always did it this way or my dad always did it this way. The way we were raised has such a huge influence on how we live now. Daily I have to remind myself that Mark was raised differently than I was which means he will think and do things differently than I will. These small issues are not worth fighting over. They can actually be a way to learn more about each other. Who knows maybe your husband’s way of doing something is better than your way. Allow differences in your relationship. It keeps things exciting!

It's Not His Fault

Have you ever had one of those days where you are just cranky?  Well that was me today. A regular old cranky butt and there was nothing anyone could do about it. My poor co-workers, I was probably scowling at them all day long and they had no clue what was going on. Ha! Thinking my attitude would get better when I got home was a big mistake. I would actually say my attitude got worse. Because my husband gets home from work and has to leave within the hour to go coach swimming I found myself rushing to get dinner done in my extremely hot kitchen. I am sure I looked just lovely when he walked into the kitchen. My hair falling all over the place and sweat dripping down my forehead with a big old frown on my face. In his mind I just know he was thinking "Oh No! Run away!". It is pretty obvious when I am in a bad mood and at that point I was in the worst mood I had been all day. As I was making dinner I found myself running through the list of things I wanted to get done tonight, when suddenly it hit me "I was not going to have a chance to workout!" At this point I was so irritated and guess who was getting all the blame for this inconvenience in my life.....my husband. In my mind I was creating an argument against him about how unfair it was that I was not going to be able to workout because I had to come right home and make him dinner (because of course I wasn't going to be eating the meal haha). The hot kitchen, the lack of workout, the large to-do list suddenly became his fault.

Ok is anyone else starting to realize the insanity of this thought process? I hope so! About five minutes after he came home I did to. It was like this huge slap in the face. IT IS NOT HIS FAULT! This is life. My husband has no control over the weather. My to-do list also had nothing to do with him, but everything to do with my own desires. So why was it so easy to blame him?

I think that it is our natural tendency to find the scapegoat in every situation we encounter. Unfortunately when it comes to marriage and home life that person tends to be our spouse or children. I realized today as I was running through my list of reasons it was all my husbands fault that I have to make a conscious effort to stop blaming my husband for things that are completely out of his control.

Let me take this one step further. How often do we blame God for things that are not His fault? Have you ever blamed God for the bad day you had? What about losses in your life? When I think about this I realize I do this quite frequently. I blame God for not giving me guidance on a decision I have to make, but in reality maybe He is answering and I am not listening. At some point we have to quit putting the blame on God and take responsibility for our own actions. How can we fear (I am not talking about terror, but reverence) the Lord if we are constantly putting blame on him?

Two Challenges:

1. Make a conscious effort not to blame your spouse/family when things are not going swell.
2. Learn to take responsibility for your own actions and avoid blaming God when life gets tough. Remember He always has the best in mind for you!

Proverbs 31....My Frenemy?

 Yes I did just use the word Frenemy. I am starting to realize that my years hanging out with the Junior High Youth Group have had a lasting impact. Shortly I am going to make a statement that will appall some of you and have others saying AMEN!  I grew up with a strong distaste for Proverbs 31. (For those that have not read this piece of Scripture, you can find it by clicking on the tab “Proverbs 31” at the top of the page) I have a stubborn, independent streak in my personality and for the longest time these words rubbed that streak the wrong way. I was not going to be the housewife these verses referred to and how dare someone tell me that I am a bad wife because of that. Having grown up and matured I have finally seen the light. The woman described in these verses has so much beauty and power and independence about her that I would be stupid to not use her as a model for my life. Oh and by the way, nowhere does it say this woman is a housewife.

As I now read through these verses I see the hard work this woman puts into her life. She does not just sit back and let life happen to her. She works, she provides, she takes care of her family and brings respect to her husband. This woman is smart and knows how to handle herself. She is compassionate, loving, warm, and has a sense of humor. I strive to be this woman and you should to. In fact if you are married or not, this is a woman to model one’s life after. My challenge for myself and for you is to learn what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman. This is going to look different for every person. My sister’s life as a stay at home mother is going to look somewhat different than my life. We should not waste time comparing our lives to one another. Instead we should be asking questions like:

-          How can I bring honor and respect to my husband?

-          What does providing for my family look like within my circumstances?

-          How do I become a Proverbs 31 woman in the 21^st Century?

I hope you will all take this journey with me. I am excited to see what God will reveal!